longing

Oh how I miss this place!

I used to come here like almost everyday, writing about almost everything happened in my life, every thoughts I had, and then WHAT HAPPENED? I remember started blogging since I was still in primary school, on a different blog, of course, because I love writing and sharing so much! I remember fangirling and doodling over Bieber, 30STM, PATD, BigBang and some random stuff here like really hard. Of course, every post kelakar nak mati. Gaduh-gaduh tak puas hati dengan kawan pun cerita jugak. Bapak childish. Oh not to mention, some random heartbroken stuff, sebab crush tak layan hahaha. 

But then as I grow older, I decided to share less about my life. Insecurities is the reason why I stopped. I feel insecure about almost everything. Kalau dulu, I see the world as a playground, everything was so cheerful, happy, releks, fun je. I admit that I matang lambat. Form 1 tu rasa macam budak-budak lagi, asyik main je dalam kepala otak. Back then, I don't think so I have any big real problems. Nak sedih pun macam takda pasal. I guess I started going on maturity phases waktu form 3 or form 4 kot. Nak try buat benda pelik-pelik start from form 3 lah. Form 4 macam klimaks jadi nakal. Huwaa menyesalnya bila ingat balik. 

Tapi bila ada blog ni, you can always look back, gelak-gelak dekat your old self, wondering why la dulu you so stupidos. Hence, ambik pengajaran so that kesilapan lampau takkan diulang semula. Homo Sapiens ni memang species yang mudah lupa and tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. So kenalah ada something as a constant reminder. Dekat buku teks sejarah dulu selalu tulis, "mereka yang melupai sejarah, pasti akan mengulanginya semula" or something like that lah. Dia tulis dekat buku tu, Tun M yang cakap, but I think ni macam George Santayana's quote. Entahlah siapa betul. 

Of course, I still do blogging now, mostly on tumblr. My tumblr is so anonymous sebab takut kalau ada orang jumpa, matilah nak. My tumblr mostly for emotional stuff, macam tempat luahkan perasaan camtu. Tambah bila dekat Pasum, selalu berperang dengan perasaan (amboi), tumblr la tempat nak nangis-nangis pun. Nak cerita dekat kawan tak boleh sebab, haha manusia ni bukan 100% boleh percaya kan, or at least we think that so.

And why I suddenly rasa macam nak start writing stuff again? 

Sekarang ni tengah cuti. Cuti panjang pulak tu. Dulu lepas SPM, baru berapa minggu habis SPM, dah kena masuk PLKN. Habis PLKN terus dapat result terus busy about nak sambung belajar and stuff tup tap tup tap dah masuk PASUM. So tak merasa sangat lah cuti lama-lama macam ni. Best memang best, sebab cuti macam ni lah the only time you can live by your own rule. Nak bangun tidur pukul berapa pun, takda orang kisah. Nak buat apa pun, takda restrictions. Tapi, bosan nak mampuih. For a jobless girl like me, memang full time jadi housewife la. But still bosan. 

And few weeks ago, I just went back frrrroooooommmm a really great trip! I went to Turkey, and then buat umrah. I really want to tell people about my trip, tapi sekarang tengah cuti, so cerita dekat dinding je la. So, I guess I will start about this amamammamamaazing journey dekat blog lah kot. Mana tahu, ada orang baca. Kalau takda pun takpa, syok sendiri jer huhuks. 

Tapi, nanti-nanti lah update pasal pergi turkeeeyyy hihi. Because right now baru tengah import pictures from my gopro (punyalah payah ugh asdfghjkl malasnya). Oh few weeks before pergi turki, my mom bought me a brand new gopro hero 4! Soooooo damn happppyyyy. Dah lama mengidam, tak sangka dapat sobs. Alhamdulillahhhh.

Btw, I have this one friend, yang selalu remind me of saying Alhamdulillah instead of jerit benda merepek-repek bila overexcited. He always reminds me that I actually have a better and comfortable life and family compare to others. Dia selalu cakap, "gratitude is the open door tu abundance". Means  that lagi selalu kita bersyukur, lagi banyak Allah murahkan rezeki kita. Haa camtu.

Well, as for this blog, I mostly un-publish or revert my post as draft tambah posts yang macam stupid terlebih dan memalukan diri sendiri haha. But I still keep some, yang for me macam kelakar and macam worth reading...I guess?

So thats all for now, I guess. Adiosz

this signature below macam automatic ada. i know macam stupid but i dah lupa how to buang it. hoho